Have a new man by Friday

News flash: Men and women are different!

October 30, 2011 7:09:47 PM PDT
When it comes to dating and marriage, keeping love alive can be a challenge for busy women.

There are scores of books that promise to deliver a better relationship, but one of them guarantees change in just five days.

If you ask women "what do men want?" Most think they know the answer. The women we spoke to said men want an attractive woman or one who "has a lot of money and a paycheck."

But ask men the same question, and the response is often different. The answers we got included "a partner you can trust," and "loyalty."

That's why Dr. Kevin Leman says he wrote the book "Have a New Husband by Friday."

"Most women are clueless, to put it nicely, because they see things from only behind their female eyes," Leman said.

Leman says if you take just five of his tips and apply them to your relationship, you can watch that frog you think you have transform into the prince that he really is.

Tip number one: Your man is not a project for you to fix.

"If you reach in your purse and take out that psychological Brillo pad and start working on these spots and see this man is a project, you're done, and so is your relationship," Leman said.

According to Leman, you may think you're doing him a favor, but the more you criticize, the worse your relationship will be.

"Criticism will never get you anywhere with a man," he said. "He's going to go into turtle mode and he ain't coming out."

Tip number two: What men want most is appreciation.

"He's like one of those seals," Leman explained. "When you say something nice about your husband -- especially in front of other people -- you've thrown that sucker a three-pound fish, and he'll take his little flippers and he'll bang them together."

Most women think "I love you" are the most powerful words they can say, but Leman says the words "thank you" matter much more to men.

"Saying things like, 'You know, I was thinking today how much I appreciate you and how guilty I am of not telling you that,'" Leman said. "Bingo! You've got his attention."

Tip number three: When it comes to words, the fewer the better.

"The researchers tell us women speak three and a half times the number of words that a man uses in a given day," Leman said.

If you want your man to open up, start by closing your mouth.

"Think about what you're going to say. Now divide it by ten. In other words, most men want the USA Today version," Leman said. "Just say, 'Tell me more about that.' Even though that's a command in the English language, that doesn't put up the defenses."

Tip number four: Be realistic.

If the man you met 10 years ago doesn't make your heart flutter 24-7, congratulations. That's not only normal, it's healthy.

"People like me study the 'Honeymoon Effect.' It lasts for two years," Leman exclaimed. "Well, my question is what do you do for the next 48 years?"

Leman says many couples end up in divorce court because what they thought was love was really just infatuation.

"Expectations minus reality equals disillusionment," he said. "Once you get married, the hair comes down and you see each other as you really are. A lasting relationship grows."

And tip number five: Let your man be a man.

"There is something in that male competitive spirit where he wants to win, and he wants to be -- and needs to be -- your hero," Leman said.

But, he can only be your knight in shining armor if you let him.

"Let him solve some problems. Men love to solve because there is that little boy inside them that says, 'Look, I helped! I helped you,'" Leman said. "A man will take a bullet for you if he really loves you."

Leman travels all over the world giving seminars on relationships, and frequently visits Houston.

For more information about his work, and the book "Have a New Husband by Friday," go to www.drleman.com.

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