'I can't control myself': Man admits to suffocating his 2-month-old child, harming another in video

STORY COUNTY, Iowa -- In a chilling cell phone video, an Iowa man confessed to suffocating his 2-month-old daughter and harming another.

Calvin White was sentenced to 50 years in prison, but will be eligible for parole after 15.

During the the three-minute video, Calvin admitted to killing his daughter, Selena, in his Nevada home on Jan. 29.

"I did this -- threw pillows on top of her face so you couldn't hear her screaming," he said.

KCCI reported that White threw himself in front of a train, but he survived the suicide attempt.

The child's mother, Melisa White, read a powerful impact statement in court, calling her ex-husband a psychopath.

"I am ashamed and I am embarrassed to have loved such a monster," she said.

In the video, Calvin admitted to harming both of his children repeatedly.

"The only reason why the kids were always sick, Armani and Selena...they weren't sick. I was just killing them slowly," he confessed.

Melisa says it all makes sense now.

"Near the end of Selena's life, Armani did get violently ill for the first time -- puking, aspirating -- that makes me wonder if you tried to poison him," she said.

Calvin's wife says she learned he was a meth addict, living a double life.

Their life came crashing down the day she returned to find her daughter unconscious.

"My baby girl was gone and she was never coming back. I couldn't accept this. It wasn't real. How could this happen?" Melisa said.

Calvin also confessed to injuring a different child eight years ago.

"I gave that kid (a) skull fracture," he said.

In a very matter-of-fact tone, he apologized for all of it in court.

"I want everybody to know that my remorse -- what happened is genuine," he said.

But family members say Calvin should never see the light of day again.

They call this plea deal a joke.

"Today, I believe that justice was served," Story County Attorney Jessica Reynolds said.

Reynolds told KCCI that it is a way to help the family avoid a trial and decade of appeals. She also says premeditation would have been hard to prove to a jury.

"He was high on methamphetamine. The baby was crying and he threw pillows on her and she suffocated. So the idea that he was planning... we didn't find any evidence of that," she said.

Selena's family vows to keep her memory alive.

"If we don't get justice here, I will trust God will work his karma, and through him we will receive all our justice," Melisa added.